How dare this Peter Seng attempt to
interpret my life when he has never met me and CLEARLY doesn’t know what he’s
talking about. He says that I have some form of “divined the memories that may
underlie it in Ophelia’s deranged mind (Seng, 218).” Well, let me inform you,
Mr. Peter Seng. Read this closely because I’m only going to say it once. I DO
NOT HAVE A DERANGED MIND! Don’t you dare
call me deranged. I’m terribly upset; after all, my father died and I think
Hamlet may have done it, and my brother’s away in France again. I mean, you
acknowledge that yourself! “ Her father had been killed—by her mad lover as she
believes—and hastily interred. Her brother is abroad at school in a foreign
land (Seng, 218).” Like, seriously, dude, give a girl a break. You don’t know
my lifestyle, so don’t try to guess it because you are horribly off-base. I was
upset because Hamlet was gone and I didn’t feel like I had anyone to talk to. I
mean “The distraught girl could hardly turn to King Claudius, and the ‘beauteous
Majesty of Denmark,’ Gertrude, has apparently, been avoiding her (Seng, 218).”
This Peter Seng fellow also has the
meaning behind my ballads wrong too. The Gentleman who spoke of why I was upset
(upset is the correct word to use, not deranged. Peter Seng, take notes) got it
completely correct. “They aim at it/And botch the words up fit to their own
thoughts (4. 5. 11-12).” So, thank you, kind Gentleman, for understanding me
when so called renowned Literary Criticism writer Peter Seng can’t understand
what a teenage girl is talking about. Well, I guess Peter Seng did get one
thing right. I’m not too happy with Queen Gertrude right now. First off, she
calls me a “sick soul (4. 5. 22)” and that’s not very nice at all. So I thought
I’d try to confuse her, and everyone in the palace for that matter, and speak
only in ballads. It’s a fun thing to do; teenage girls, I recommend doing it to
avoid talking to teachers that you just can’t stand. It’ll throw them off base
and they’ll leave you alone for a bit. It’s a plan of pure perfection.
Now, Mr. Seng, once again, completely didn’t
understand the point of my ballads. So, I’ve picked some of my favorite lines,
and I’m going to tell you what I really thought of them. Doesn’t that sound
like fun?
“How should I know your true love know/From
another one (4.5. 28-29)?” So, when I said that, I was talking about how
Gertrude claimed to love King Hamlet, but two months after his death, she’s
shacking up with his brother and saying
how in love she is with him. Talk about scandalous, “Queen” Gertrude. I mean,
God Save The Royalty, because she’s clearly on a manhunt for a new husband once
Claudius is kicked to the curb.
“He is dead and gone, lady,/He is dead
and gone (4. 5. 34-25).” No, Gerty (is it okay if I call you that, Gertrude?
No? Oh well, I’m doing it anyway), don’t fret, Hamlet didn’t die. Well, Hamlet
Jr. hasn’t died. But Hamlet Jr. did tell me how your first husband (or should I
saw true love #1, Gerty?), Hamlet Sr., did die. Oh boy, it’s a nice, lovely,
juicy piece of gossip. But, you’ll have to figure it out on your own. I’m so
not telling anyone about this . . . unless there’s something good in it for me.
“And I a maid at your window,/To be your
Valentine (4. 5. 55-56).” Yeah, so, Gerty, and to the Royal Family in general, I
have a confession to make. Hamlet and I spent many a nights together, and I wanted
our first Valentine’s Day as an official couple to be absolutely perfect. I was
planning on showing up on V-Day night
to his room and give him a special surprise. By the way, did you know V-Day is,
like, my fave day of all time? Anyway, now I can’t spend my fave day of all
time with the person I love the most. Thanks a lot Gerty and Claudy.
Basically, I need people to leave me alone
and stop trying to interpret everything I say and everything I do. I’m a
teenage girl and sometimes I get upset (again, I use the word upset, not
deranged). Because when you try to analyze everything I do, you end up way wrong like Peter Seng. And no one
wants to be like Peter Seng.
No comments:
Post a Comment